For those of you that follow my writing adventure you will know that I come up with a lot of different characters and they don’t fall into one genre. I have a strange sense of humour; if you’ve read The Surprisingly Funny Adventure of Captain Lardarse you will know what I mean!
Whilst looking through my many note books in the writing room I came across two characters that my wife, Jeni, and I made up. I started writing some stories about the couple back in 2016 and this is when I came up with The Chronicles of Gordon and Betty.
Gordon and Betty are married and live in Manchester, although Gordon originates from Northampton and was a professor of science and Betty was born and bred in Manchester. The couple are in their seventies but very young at heart. Most of their conversations regard the past. They are not based on anybody, but on everyday life situations as well as mine and Jeni’s imaginations. We talk and laugh about certain things that they would come up with, but I have not written anything down since 2016, since then it’s all in our heads!
I want to share with you just two diary entries from Gordon’s diary.
Please feel free to comment, and most of all, enjoy…
The Chronicles of Gordon and Betty
Summer 1972. Uphill fencing.
My fascination with uphill fencing started in the summer of 1972 when I was walking my pet dog, Rufus. He was an old dog and had to stop a lot to pee, on this particular walk he stopped, and I leant on an old rickety wooden fence and noticed it was going up the hill. Well that was me hooked on uphill fencing!
In 1973 I was with my good lady wife, Betty, and we were enjoying a walk in the countryside when we stopped to admire yet another fence, Betty was a tad fitter than me and walked up the hill. It was then that I decided to mention my fascination with uphill fencing, she replied to me that this such fence was downhill, as Betty was at the top of the hill, and of course I was at the bottom. We debated on this for a while then concluded that it was a very fine fence.
My next encounter with a fence was in 1974, but this one was a downhill fence, or it was until Betty dropped her Babybel cheese and went to retrieve it at the bottom of the hill, then she changed her mind and said it was an uphill fence. Again, we debated on this whilst eating our Babybel cheeses, not the one that Betty dropped due to it landing in a soft cow pat.
Nineteen seventy-five came, I must point out it did not take us that long to debate and eat our cheese, we finished that in 1974. But Betty is still debating that fact saying she still has a Babybel cheese in the fridge from 1974.
We’ll that’s it for now, I hope to report more on uphill fencing in the future.
- The job interview
I remember going for a job interview, it was with a company that I shall not name. Whilst at the interview, and I might add three people were doing the asking of the questions, one chap asked, “If you could invite three people to a dinner party, one person living, one person that inspires you and one person that is no longer living, who would you invite?”
I thought long and hard and replied, “Well, the living person would, of course, be my wife, Betty. The second person would be Richard Branson, he inspires me because he wears the most fantastic jumpers. But I decline the third person because a dead person would not be a very good conversationalist.”
The chap then explained to me that the person from the past would be alive again. I was shocked.
I said, “That would be like inviting a zombie to dinner and that would be no fun at all.”
After this they explained that the person from the past would be like they were when they were alive.
I said, “OK, I’ve got it! I would like to invite Paul McCartney.”
After a few bizarre glances between the three interviewers I was asked if it was only Richard Branson’s fantastic knitwear that inspired me or was it his world record balloon flights, his involvement in over two-hundred businesses or his global brand?
I quickly replied, “I didn’t know that about him. I only ever saw him on the House Party.”
Then the chap replied, “That’s Noel Edmonds!”